Behavior

• Students often engage in behaviors that allow them to avoid a sense of failure. Failure to learn or perform sometimes leads students to put the blame on something else so there won't be a threat to self. Source of the behavior: Avoid the pain of insult to the sense of self-worth by putting blame anywhere other than on self.
• We need to work with students in a way that sidesteps responsibility-avoiding tactics (blaming, procrastinating, discounting the value of the experience, becoming uninvolved, faulting circumstances). We can (1)Focus on the problem at hand and (2) give the offender no opportunity for displacement.

Focus on the problem at hand. Don't allow the student to lead the conversation on a distracting departure to another subject.

Give the offender no room for displacement. Help the student focus only on the behavior in question and who is responsible for changing it.

Some thoughts on changing behavior in the classroom

• Change takes time.
• Everyone's experience is different. We must attempt to understand a student's perception of events before we can affect real change.
• Nonverbal language speaks loud.
• Self-worth is to be encouraged. Any interaction that inflicts damage on a student's sense of self-worth will boomerang and probably set the offending perceptions even deeper. It is important to keep in mind That your intention is to boost self-worth, not diminish it.

Discipline

• Wait until student cools down before addressing the situation. Delay the consequence. Ex: A Missouri teacher experimented with this approach. One of his sixth grade students talked back to him. His immediate response was, "That kind of talk is not acceptable in this classroom. I'm going to have to do something about that. I don't know what it will be because I'm teaching right now. I'll let you know what I decide in the morning." The teacher said it was the first time that year that the student didn't argue with him. He couldn't argue because he couldn't figure out what to argue about. In the past the teacher had always given the student plenty to argue when they were upset. He realized that the problem solving process worked better when students were calm.

• Use a lot of questions. Instead of doing most of the talking, letting them know what they had done wrong, and telling them what was going to be done about the incident, one could ask more questions. Questions result in student doing the thinking and coming up with their own solutions. The students, instead of the teacher, own the problems. The students learn to take responsibility.

• Eliminate power struggles. When we offer kids a choice instead of making a demand, no power struggle ever begins. When we make a demand, we own the wise choice, leaving the child with the only way to win the power struggle - by making a poor choice. Given a range of choices, a child has endless opportunities to choose wisely. Students will know that making it through a tough situation is always an option.

Relationships with students

A great salesperson once said, "You can't make people angry and sell them something at the same time."

• One of the rules of the psychology of self-concept states, "Human beings will perform for the person they love." If a person loves himself, he will do it for himself. If he does not have that high self-esteem or belief in self, he will haev to do it for someone else until the time comes that he does love himself.

Relationship-building experiment.

• If you are having trouble connecting with a student, try the following: Go to the student six times over three school weeks and use a "one-sentence intervention". The one-sentence intervention was developed and researched to provide specific help to teachers who are dedicated to building better relationships with children. This intervention is based on research that shows that student's improved behavior or cooperation can be traced or linked to the personal connection he/she developed with an adult. The sentence should start with the work, "I noticed..." Then, you fill in the blank with something personal about the student - something positive and true. It's important that the statement does not focus on school activities. It's strictly about the student's personal life. Don't praise or judge. An example is, "I've noticed you like skateboarding." If the student wants to visit the subject with interest, do so. If there is no reaction, and you sitll feel compelled to say something, you could add, "Well, I noticed that." The next intervention might be, "I noticed that you really stand up for yourself." Don't use the phrase, "I like." Kids who have low self-esteem often feel manipulated when the teacher (with whom they don't have a relationship) says, "I like." Spread these interventions over three weeks. After the three weeks, check to determine if the student is more cooperative than before you started asking by going to the student at an appropriate time and asking, "Will you try that just for me?" Or, "Will you stop doing that just for me?"